The Body and Social Conventions: When it is a social matter

There is nothing new on the way people behave in relation to pregnant women. In this case I refer to strangers, people unknown to us, people we have never spoken to but who for some reason decide they can speak to us about our pregnancy.

Since my bump started to become more obvious, people -mostly women, but few men too- looked at me with cartoon-like eyes, almost so wide open that feels they'll pop out from their wholes. Then, people would ask 'oh, when is it due?'; 'do you know what's gonna be?' (to which I would have wanted to reply: it's none of your business).

Others, would express how they relate to my pregnancy by stating that their daughters had given birth a week ago or so. They would even show me a picture on their mobile phone. Last saturday, due to the snowfall, a lady at the supermarket till told me to watch my step when leaving. Would she have said that if I would have not been pregnant? That lady, actually, added to my stress as I was carrying quite few bags....

Yep, these experiences are rather wide-ranging. I do find these comments awkward. I don't mind them too much. I know is a social convention and people truly don't give a shit.

Yet, my point for writing this here is not to only baffle about the social conventionality of the female pregnancy as socially owned by the community. That, I already knew well in advanced, specially because I come from a society where people are very nosy. My interest is in asking: why is it pregnancy the only (or I may be wrong in this assumption), body experience in which the social feel free to involve itself and thus this practice being widely accepted? When we see someone on a wheelchair, for example, do we ask them 'what happened to you?', 'oh, my son had an accident last week, look at his picture'. Not really, we don't do that.

Thus, what are the limits of the body experience and the involvement of the social with it? Where can I be allowed not to turn around and tell someone, 'not too bad, yourself?' as the usually said salutation? I'm not ungrateful, not at all. The social is basic and important to make us feel part of something, to remind us that we are part of a community one way or another, and not simply ghosts. Although, most of the time we are only ghosts. Is it that pregnancy is such a 'joyful' situation where people have learnt that they can rejoice with others and that those others (sh)(w)ould be glad to share?

Waiting, days counting

Well, xmas, wedding anniversary, new year and even my birthday are almost here. The last two weeks of December and the start of the new year are always eventful days in my life. This time around is the most eventful ever in my life. Baby is coming out, sooner or later, and we are waiting for it.

There are times in the day that I fell quite well, not baby related thoughts. However, there are other moments when all that I could only have in my mind is baby and wondering about its livelihood inside of me. What is the secret life of a foetus? What does it do in there all day long? Must be quite boring, I think. It doesn't get much light, only hears the stupid music I listen to, the sounds of the kitchen (which is the place I spend a lot of my time), the sound of the telly (seldom on), and my laughter and conversations with my other-half. Ah, it may also sense when I move and it gets uncomfortable, just as I do. Must hear the sounds of the street, cars and bicycles, people. Now that I've written all of this, I think that it does have lots of stimuli, many things go on around it. The main difference between now and when it comes out from me, is that then, it will be (hopefully) less uncomfortable and very noisy!!!

I think that its participatory existence will be the strangest of situations for all of us. Although it currently participates of our lives, it does not have as much of an impact as it will have once it's out! I cannot begin to imagine the impact of its presence in our lives.

In the meantime, it is xmas preparation. Have the ham, and a list of many things that we need to gather like the squirrels we are. Also, need to decorate the house. The only decoration I've got around are the xmas cards we've received from family and friends. The cheap faux-tree has been in the kitchen for few days already... we've been too busy doing other stuff. Today, we shall make this house xmasssy.

Tomorrow, I'll try to figure out how to entertain myself once again.

Joulupukki

Hohohohohoho!!!!

Just a brief but certain expression of outrage

Right, so the British media has been telling us that one hundred soldiers have been killed during 2009 in their invasion of Afghanistan. My outrage comes from the logic that the war affairs entail: if you go to war, you may get killed. If you don't go to war, you may not get killed in war-styled manner (like hand-grenades, car bombs, etc.). As it is the case at least in the UK, people here are less likely to be killed vie war-like ways. Contrary to that, many other people in the world die as a consequence of war-like events, but that shall not matter to the Brits. As long as something does not touch them, it is irrelevant. However, this is socially natural.

So, the proposition of 'compassion' that we, the public in the UK, should be having for soldiers who enrol themselves into a war and participate of an ideology as the one behind this whole business that I'm not discussing here, and thus who get killed as a consequence, do make me feel like we, the public, are way too underestimated. Yet, I'm very sure that many members of the society do really fall for the information they are provided and they respond to the manipulation accordingly.

Now, my outrage is engrossed when I read, for instance,that just today over hundred people were killed due to explosions in Baghdad alone. Nonetheless, the one place that the UK media has given seldom attention, due to their little relationships with that country is Mexico. Today it has been reported that as of this year seven thousand people (7,000 people -civilians including elderly and children, Zetas, drug-dealers and the like-) have died due to the drug wars in Mexico.

But who gives a toss about that? Only monkeys like me who jump up and down trying to overcome the sheer fear and despair for the things that are happening and may potentially affect more and more the society of a country with such an endemic corruption. A place that at the same time is full of hope for better things to come for its people. These kind of events are closer to many of us than we realised or than we want to think. Yet, it's taking way to long to understand that.

Enter the Winter

As my first display for the upcoming winter, I'll fall with one of the most typical images of this side of the world: a robin. It's a pic borrowed from The Guardian showing a little bird standing on a frosty ground. This has been the first week, at least in England, when winter has been felt, so I thought it would sort of be the right moment to present one way in which the winter days are being experienced (at least by me) as of now.

On another note, it is one calendar month to the due date! My tiny little cake is still baking, and in a couple of weeks time will be ready set. Afterwards, it'll be a matter of continue the wait to meet the result: baby. I'll write more about that during the forthcoming waiting days.

Enter the last stretch of this bit of the walk

A year ago I realised that I wanted to walk the walk. I never thought I would want to have a child, and that was for many reasons that are pointless to express here. The important thing is that I changed my mind and, thankfully, things are heading towards meeting this child soon. However, before I reach the end of my pregnancy, or my body project as I've insisted on calling it, there are few things I need to finalise.

One of those things that need closing are related to work. It is interesting that at the beginning of the pregnancy I had so much work to do, way more that I've ever had. Stress was overwhelming in all possible extents, and now I have quite some commitments that commit me heavily with my career. Career is not a word that means much in my life, as for career a student has been my only successful pursuit. However, the fact is that I am compromised by work-related commitments that also sacrifice my personal time/space. This is, to be honest, the way I normally live. It is not news at all. The only thing that partially gets me is that once this is over, there is nothing else, just me and my free time to be prior to baby knocking on the door.

I have seldom be good at being. Only few times have I been successful without falling into my classic dark pit... And now, I have this conscious perception that my imminent 'free time to be' will be unique and finite. It will end once the baby feels like it's time to come to meet the world.

Hence, if I understand (as I elaborate above) that this weight of work that I have now will end soon to then provide me with the time to be. And, that such time to be is something precious, why am I feeling so confused/lost? Why do I complicate the present by wishing it would last longer? Is it my classic bottom-of-the-pit-reaching? Is it my usual drama that incomprehensibly misses the big picture just for no reason?

An Autumn Full of Rainbows

I don't know if people are normally what I, sometimes, call myself: I'm a mad Rainbow Chaser.

Either on the road, or while at home, when it is raining and the sunshine comes through, I search for a rainbow or rainbows. I'm greedy, always think that there can be more than one though, as it is the case on some occasions. Today, it was not the exception. It started to rain, proper rain, and then out of the nothing but thick grey clouds, the sunshine came through. I went to the other side of my house, and found a full rainbow, from side to side. Unfortunately, my bad-quality mobile phone pics do not make justice to what my eyes witnessed. However, these two pics sort of show a bit of the beauty that was out there.

Preparing my hybrid feast for the weekend!

If people still do not understand the existence of hybridity at the social level, I always think that they most live completely isolated from anything that goes around them. I just thought that I could use my practice for this weekend as an example, even as silly as it is. So here it is.

Tomorrow, I'll celebrate with a American-style pumpkin pie (got me pumpkin there, just need the remaining ingredients). I've got some squash to roast and have in a succulent salad (this is an English recipe). On Sunday, will be going to the British Museum to see Moctezuma's exhibition, as well as to participate of the Mexican Day of the Dead celebration that will take place in the museum. There will be Mexican snacks there!

So, how can I explain the hybrid that surfaces from these practices? I'm not in the full mood for complicating this further, but it clearly shows our ability as social creatures to acquire, without much pain, the things that different social practices have to offer to us. I fail to see here the idea that either of the cultures would take over the other ones. I rather experience them as experiences that may take place at different times, and that one can choose from according to our feelings as well as the need to satisfy our sense of belonging and what provides us more pleasure. It is truly a highly complex situation, that in my opinion, cannot be reduced to one or two explanations and analyses.

Expression from Nature

I found this image in The Guardian. There is a selection of wildlife photographic images that were winners at a competition this year. This particular one stroke me for the black & white imposition that makes it even more dramatic that it originally is. Also, because I've always been amazed when I have the chance to witness the starlings doing something similar in the sky. I've never seen anything of this magnitude though!

Not confused, just overwhelmed by the paradox

It is quite strange to realise that some of the (over)reactions to events, daily circumstances are the result of hormonal effects. In my view, the most surprising thing is that in spite of the awareness of the effects that hormonal unbalance brings into my response to events, it does not help me to feel better or to avoid responding the way I do. This way would normally be very very emotionally. Feelings of tender apprehension that take me to the limits of my mental disorder.

Sometimes, just like now, I wish I could manage and control. Isn't this supposed to be only a reaction from chemistry taking place in my body and brain? Is the effect of that reaction so powerful that does not allow me to execute a positive indifference to the pettiest of things? And the worst bit, or so i think now, is that due to the awareness of what causes my response, I must express that to the others, and let them patronise me at their leisure.

It is a paradoxical relationship between the body and the self. Too much to understand from the experience. Too little space/time to search and find the required patience/antidote before providing the regrettable response, specially with my closest ones, in my private social space. For instance, when I started writing this post, and while I was in the process of writing it, I was completely out of my head. I was even further disturbed to feel worse. But then, as I wrote and thought and expressed the loss of my self in this paradoxical relationship with the body, I felt calmer. No more unnecessary thoughts. However, this took me a while, and it wasn't easy to calm this well. But I'm at home, in a place where I can fully be and release from the chains of mutual misunderstanding and the need to save face.

Nevertheless, in a public social environment, such as being at work, sometimes I don't find the chance to calm and respond adequately. I mention the example of being at work, because unfortunately it has become the only social environment from which I participate and it has become my only point of reference and source of interaction to the social world... I know that such situation is one that feeds into the complexity of my current upheavals of emotions. If I would simply have more to do with other environments, I would probably felt that things were better than they are. But that is another story that remains to be written. Things will change for far better, very soon. Isn't the rule that the only way to break the paradox is to not participate from it?

Chameleon, Serial

Confusion on the things that matter

Lately, I've been too busy running errands that I have left this blog behind. Way too behind from everything that's being going on in and outside my life.

The most important thing has been that I've engaged in all sorts of things, and particularly one that has taken my breath away. It takes most of my attention and it seems like it will only get worse as time goes by. This is the prospect of a newcomer into my life.

Now, the reason that finally drove me to write again is that in the past couple of weeks, I have become a moaning machine. My body project, as I called it months ago, has of course become massive. Starting to ache here and there more than usual, and as the bump gets bigger and bigger the moaning increases. The fear to greater incomprehensible pain increases too. However, this has been challenged by two recent events of the same nature, that could not be compare to the pettiness of my psychological position. One of my dearest persons had a loss. This distressed me severely, however I could try to offer support, nothing would have made her feel better. The other situation is that an online relation is forced to facing the terrible decision of termination almost at the end of her pregnancy.

Situations where choices are not given to people, where extremes of psychological and physical pain that could not generate anything more than grieving, slap me the face of my self. Suggest me to shut up, and keep on going as things are going fine so far for me. The pain that I'm having is natural and so I should aim at experiencing this way. Yes, this is me admitting to that, but such thought is just intellectually questionable though.

That's so far, and may possibly prevail, my biggest challenge. The challenge that few could understand. And then, me realises that I'm a terrestrial moaner that's lost in the routine of everyday life. Having nothing else better to do than just to seek for pathetic ways of approaching something so incomprehensibly exciting and scary as sharing my life with a completely fresh little creature that grows and moves inside me.

Another example of the Mexican Unlawful and Racist Legal and Police Systems

This is a link to a brief interview -reported in The Guardian- made to an Otomi (indigenous Mexican) woman who has been unlawfully sentenced to 21 years in jail. She is just one of thousands of indigenous people in Mexico who are unjustifiably imprisoned. As it clearly says in her comments, she did not speak Spanish, was never presented to an interpreter, and did not know first hand the reason why she was put into jail. Basically, she was put into jail because some police officers accuse her of kidnapping them, which of course is a false accusation. What their intentions were, I don't know. It is truly a heartbreaking story, because is part of the history that repeats itself in Mexico, which is a racist country that remains segregating and abusing the indigenous people.

As few news present this kind of information abroad, it is massively important to show that in Mexico the 'law' is a scary place to be. The Mexican police in all its current shapes, is an authoritarian force that would most likely abuse the power it has in order to exert whichever agenda it has. No one seems to be able to do anything about it. It only induces deep fear in me.

Finally, it was going to happen sooner than later!

Great reason for me to come back to the blog.

How is it possible that in spite of her efforts, Hillary Clinton remains under shadowed? Is it because we do live in a misogynist world? Yep, I'm implying that this most be the case.

LIFE

I have been so busy, that inspiration for writing has not even been present, zero. Finally, a brief break that opens up the opportunities for being.

I love being, just that, for the sake of it. In the contradiction of such being, I launched my self into a long journey of questioning: why are we here? is there a reason for being? Yes, I tortured (really did) my self and others around me with those questions for decades on. I've been told so many times to stop doing it, and just keep on going. That things are simpler than I want them to be.

It was until very recently, a couple of months ago, when I started to understand that at least for me, life has always shown its meaning, but i was so immersed into it that I couldn't see it. Because I love to be, I always do life on my own terms, without compromising with the social -keep it to the strict minimum, which annoys people-. I didn't understand that that has been it, all along. It came to me with the body situation, and with the massive workload that did not let me do the 'being' that I pursue. I did not have a chance to be, my self was hanging there like a winter coat during the summer.

Finally, since yesterday evening, I have been around me, and felt as if I haven't slept for a day. An exhaustion overwhelmed my senses, and last night I started to rest down. And today, the gorgeous sunshine and warmth in the air, with time to do so, I let myself go.

Is this core need in people like me something beyond the explanations that neurologists can provide? I can immediately think that probably under elements such as neural communication and who knows what else, some parts of the brain could gain relief by the things that I do. And thus, we could just interpret that in the subjective way I've written it here. However, I would still want to think that it goes beyond that bio-chemical process.

Lost & Found

I have been having thoughts on how to continue the development of this blog. So far, I have included a wide range of comments, images, videos, that I have thought reflect the challenge that triggered this blog.

As of now, I have been very busy getting things done, that I have not given myself time to write; and that's why I have been simply posting non-original things.

However, I have a massive thing going on. A thing that I consider the biggest challenge to answering whether we are more than a chemical reaction. A body thing. This has been one of my long lasting enquiries in life, since reading philosophy back in high school. The duality or the dualism of body & soul? On the one hand, we have a "mind" determined by us having a brain. The mind is ethereal. We have a body representing the "holy building" that takes us around (physically) and that makes us recognise ourselves among others, and vice versa.

When a body thing is going on, organs, liquids, hormones, glands, etc. change in behaviour. These changes affect our mood, our relation to ourselves and to the outside world. Yet, being aware of the consequences of a body thing going on, does not necessarily mean that we can control them. Sometimes they are rather overwhelming, and we react accordingly.

Nonetheless, it is possibly in the "mindset" for controlling how we react/respond to the body's functions that we can fight a battle. This battle is created under the conditions of enlightenment, which is an earlier version of European arrogance. This has been transmitted across the colonised world, and nowadays many of us act or are expected to act in this way. Consequently, leaving little space for concentration on the experience of the body and communicating with it and letting it be.

In brief, I will go through my bodily experience. I will try my best to let my body be. Take me to the dance, and see how i shake it.

30 years of life should be danced at!

Personal Experiences on the Influenza in Mexico

The link below is from the BBC News, with real personal points of view from Mexicans. Please read them, as they display the fears; what people are experiencing, especially in hospitals; about the lack of information from the government; and, the general uncertainty about what is going on there.

The following is from the BBC News website.

Mexico flu: Your experiences

The only thing I would like to add is that I would wish that the UK people, would not be so arrogant as to think that 'this could only happen' in such an underdeveloped country or third world country. I heard an expression on this line this morning in BBC Breakfast, were the GP that often goes there to give advice spoke in this manner.

I think that people should also show some concern about the terrible amount of deceased in Mexico, instead of only being concerned about their backyards. I only perceive a profound poverty of sympathy here. It's saddening.

Agility of a cheetah, agility of an impala

I think this beautiful picture resembles the many tones of action - reaction. For example:

What the cheetah may experience: belly is hungry - must eat - there's food on the go - must get food.

What the impala may experience: sense something getting closer - must get away.

Lovely humour, part 2.

Fantastic!

Lovely humour, part 1.

The only thing, is that Finland's landscape is not like that... but hey, I can live with that!

Clarity arrived.

Romeo said it, Eli said it... Indeed, Romeo died. Eli didn't, nonetheless.

I must be gone and live, or stay and die.

Un petit plus des bières de Bruxelles

Quelque bières de Bruxelles

Chemical Reaction or Pure Abuse of Power?

This video reveals, once again, the disgusting abuse of power perpetuated by the police state. It was originally published in The Guardian: Video of police assault on Ian Tomlinson, who died at G20 protest. For years the police has got away with their criminal abuse of civilians, what will happen this time?

Please select the answer that best reflects what may happen after this video has been shown:

a) The independent police complaints commission will claim that injustice caused the dead of Mr. Tomlinson. However, nothing will be done.

b) The metropolitan police will state that the police was working under so much pressure, and they confused Mr. Tomlinson with a protester under substance abuse.

c) The metropolitan police, under pressure by the independent police complaints commission, will sanction only the police officer that hit Mr. Tomlinson.

d) They are laughing at us all for bothering with this matter.

To know, to learn that one disturbs

Well, talking about brain reactions to experiences. I've recently learnt that I didn't know about the effects my way of life and worldviews have had on my VIP. I didn't know the extent to which being in certain way, let's say a bit existential, could affect so much someone to the extent of making them live the world that way, to a degree that takes them by surprise. I'm confused now that I know that.

Having that knowledge means that I should take some responsibility. But do I have to change my way of life so I don't affect my significant other? Should that significant other acknowledge that such is the way I relate to the world? I've always attach responsibility to relationships. Once one learns and thus gets to know how someone is, our duty towards ourselves is honesty, and decide on whether continuing or not a relationship with the person (this applies to all areas of life). Is this totally insane? Is this a result of some bizarre chemical functions in my brain? Or is this just the way I am in relation to the social? Could one, should one even differentiate between the two?

It seems to me that a reason why my way of being has penetrated my VIP so much is because there was an initial -unknown- tendency to be that way. Why not? Aren't we all descendants from the same ape? Shouldn't we in general but randomly share similar genes and tendencies towards the self and the social? I've always said that one does not make others' attitudes, responses, actions. Bien au contraire, we do have those elements in ourselves, they are only latent.

View of the River Cam from a Bridge

Oh, you
beautiful Spring!

You've come
with warmth and light,
green and flowers,
birds and bugs.

You've also shown us
what was hidden
during the winter's darkness.

Oh, you
beautiful Spring!

Thank you,
for reminding us
about our human stain.

Latest Realisation: Why catholics are disadvantaged

I took this photo a couple of years ago in the Templo de Santa Prisca, a colonial church that dates from 1758, in Taxco (Guerrero, Mexico). The image of a skull of a high priest (probably buried there) skillfully worked on golden wood, surprised my old fascination for the catholic iconography of fear. In my visits to catholic churches in both Mexico and some european countries, I've never come across this kind of work. There were other similar carvings in that same church.

Having the knowledge of the basic division between the catholic and the protestant churches never prepared me to understand the basic real difference between people living under such worldviews. As of this instant, I think that because of that division, catholics would lack behind in "social Darwinism" terms. I'm saying this because catholics live their lives with deeply embedded -unfounded- fear. Protestants live their lives believing without fear. In the basic religious level, the latter need no fear ex-communion; need no fear hell/satan; neither the wrath of god. They believe in god, they believe in themselves, they work hard to get what they ought to get. That's all that matter. The catholic lives in fear of going to hell, so she confesses; leaves in fear of being ex-communicated so it remains married / or pretends not to care if gets divorced or gets together with a divorceé, etcetera. The catholic, does and does not do things out of irrational fear, and relies that god will help her to overcome. Her achievements take place with the help of god. The catholic was a king in France because god chose him; the protestant was a king in England because s/he was the heir to the throne or earned/defended it through war.

I've been aware of the unfounded fear, however I didn't share a thought about those living without the fear. Reading Weber back in the day, didn't made me understand that either. It was not the time for me to see that I guess. And not that it's clear to me, what do i make of it? I make the idea that due to fear, the people with this worldview may not have the ability to overcome the current troubles that take place in their lives, neither the issues of the upcoming days. As we know, none of the 'advanced world economies' is catholic, and still in spite of the current financial crises, the market led by capital from those countries furiously devours the rest of the world. If and when the crudest times come where the fittest will be those to survive, those fittest may be the ones that have not fear because they will believe in themselves, they will do what they have to do to 'pursue happiness', to preserve their way of life, not stopping to anything. Just as the alliance G.W. Bush & Blair/Brown & NATO has demonstrated; just as the endemic exploitation / abuse of the poor shows; as 'collecting charity' to save Africa from malaria puts clown make up on it. Indeed, I've known all of this, it's no news to anyone really. What added further understanding in my mind were the few degrees of separation that significantly have affected worldviews between those in some sort of control and the rest.

My very own groundhog day

Recently I realised that X has happened to me since I was a little girl. X has happened to me recently, well sort of recently -I always have troubles with defining the timing of things. I'll try here to sketch my concern so I can move on to understand how i could break the cycle to avoid X from happening again in the future.

X happened when I was 5 years old, lasting until I was 8. It happened again when I was 15 years old. It more or less ended when I was 16. X happened again when I was 19 and it has continued until the present so to speak. But because I'm far away from the causes of X, in a physical manner, it kind of does not affect me, and does not feel so real. Then, X happened again when I was 31, and continues as well. While X is happening in two places where I exist, one is virtual and the other is physical. The virtual one (X1)is easier to handle because it feels far. However, the physical (X2) is here and now, and it feels real.

I don't find necessary to explain what X is all about, because I think that the point is to be clear that the main problem with X is that it is a paradox. And, as we know, there is only one solution to paradoxes. If you participate of them, one way or the other, you are trapped in it. Thus, the opposite has to be done.

Every time that X has happened I have acted similarly. So, I think that I should do something differently. But how could i work this out? Should I schematically look at the characteristics of X? Try to find loops in the history of the components of X? If this is down to Karma, I should try to understand the lesson that I ought to be learning. The most shocking thing for me is that it took me many years to realise that X was happening. I've had so many other things going on in my life, that I never gave enough attention to X. But now that it is barking at my face, I couldn't deny it's recurrence in my life. It is repeating in the same way over and over, and that is not right. I have to wake up one day to see that I've evolved.

Mindset: Relieved?

In my obsessive way of being, I contacted the main author of the scientific article. He kindly emailed me back, forwarding me the article, confirming that the data on 93% of mestizo population was indeed part of the INEGI calculations. Thus, indeed, the way in which the newspaper article was paraphrased was incorrect.

I know, you might think: don't you have anything better to do? Well, obviously I don't...

Interestingly, the author also mentioned about the data collection on ethnicity in Mexico by the INEGI is solely based on linguistic characteristics. This also confirmed that matters with regard to the view on indigenous population have not improved in mainstream Mexico. I could write a bit more about this, but I'll do it at another time. There are, indeed, complex explanations for that statement.

Mindset: Alert

Ok, in response to my previous post. As it was obvious, it was highly contradictory the way in which (as I translated) some of the results from the newspaper on the scientific article, were presented. For instance, whilst they say that 93% of the population was found to be mestizo. Yet, they say that the research found that in Campeche 70-75% of the population is indigenous, and 17.2% of the population in Veracruz has black ancestry. How, from these numbers, did we get to the 93% of mestizos? I know, I'm barking at the wrong tree here.

Right, so unfortunately, I could not access the original journal article because my university does not have access to it, wooooo, i know. Shame on it.

Anyway, at least I read the abstract that states mestizos form 93% of the Mexican population. Well, this makes me wonder about the veracity from the people who wrote the newspaper article (in El Universal), who reported that the research concluded that 93% of the Mexican population is mestizo based on their genetic research. The two sentences I present here are completely different; and the latter, being the one in the Mexican media -reaching most of the people-, is totally misleading! Beware, I'm saying this solely based on reading the abstract to the paper.

So, based on that information i decided to go to the obvious original source, INEGI, the Mexican statistics institute. If i don't remember wrongly, in Mexico the indigenous population is calculated according to self-reporting knowing/speaking an indigenous language. Yes, this is how the Mexican government calculates, and therefore reports, about the indigenous population in the country. Indeed, this is a highly debatable topic; and, in my opinion totally anti-ethical. For example, if I have a mother and father who are Nahua (a current group originated from different ancestries); but, if I was not taught Nahuatl (language), I am not indigenous. Well, well, well...

Anyway, coming back to the main point. The INEGI carried out a population calculation in 2005, and the report shows that indeed, the population that does not speak any indigenous language forms 93%, therefore these are the mestizos. Those who speak an indigenous language form almost 7%, therefore these are the indigenous. This, on such a superficial level, solves my issue of this morning. If you speak Spanish, let me know and I'll send you the file with the INEGI's tables on this subject.

At the end, I am very disappointed at the newspaper article because it is not transparent at all, and unfortunately it influences many people who believe in the mass media.

Mind set: Disconnected

Once again, my usual moaning is becoming (I've got to admit) rather common in me. Is it either the work I'm doing or a combination of stress and confusion in my life?

It has been mentioned in a Mexican newspaper that it's been found, through research on the genetics of the local population, that the majority of the Mexicans are mestizos (by 93%). However, across the newspaper article, it is explained that down south (Campeche, for example) there is a higher percentage of indigenous population (70-75%). Anyway, I would like to understand the conclusion of the 93%. I've been trying to find the original research article to understand the methodology and the sample subjects. However, i cannot find it. Once i do, I'll report back on it to try to understand if it was comprehensive of the indigenous population, who, to my understanding has extensively avoided mixing so overtly with the mestizos in their communities. As presented in the general conclusion in the newspaper report, they cannot be just 7%, it sounds a bit strange. But, hey, i'm not a geneticist! Probably in the real chromosomal combination the majority (even those who may not be aware of it) are more mestizos than the mole**!

**For those who don't know what mole is, it is not the animal that roams around crops... it is a sauce based on a combination of chilies, seeds & grains, fruits & nuts, and spices such as cocoa or herbs/leaves. In its many variations, the sauce is usually eaten with turkey, chicken, pork, and fish.

A quick splash of beauty

Just saw this in The Guardian as part of a series of absolutely special photographs taken by Clarke Little.

How can one get lost if one knows the way?

Before i get on with this, for this occasion I'm not thinking metaphorically. As i know that the only routes and paths i know are those that i take on a daily basis to get to my office, those city roads I've memorised through my lifetime. And that's about it, those are the only paths and ways i truly know. My life path, is unknown. Now, i can proceed to the literal description of my experience from today.

Well, that is the point for this post. I happen to get lost (or get confused if you want to call it that) in several occasions when I go to work or come back home. I've been living in this city for ten good months, but I always take the same routes to work, come on, there cannot be several many routes anyway. So they have become more than routinised in me.

Having said that, I've got lost several times. There have been times when i have no clue where i am, and on how to find my way to where i was going. Hum, that confusion, sometimes is truly scary. I get feelings of uncertainty. I am used to get lost when finding my way in new routes, I don't feel angst about it like other people do. I understand that if i get lost, I'll find my way eventually. However, when i do not recognise where I am, that can be quite scary, especially when I'm supposed to know where I am and where I'm going. It only last for a fraction of a minute.

Today, something else happened. A car almost ran over me. This was the third time that happened in the past year. The other two times i was on my bike. This time I was on my bloody feet. I was walking on the middle of the road, and didn't see the car coming straight towards me. I heard a car coming, but i didn't see it. I had the headphones on, but i still heard the car... and didn't do a thing. Completely absent.
My husband asked me, 'but why were you walking on the middle of the road?'
I said: 'I don't know; I did wonder that though...'

Although it would be so easy to blame it on my absent mind, i would like to think that the inertia of my everyday life is responsible for that. Doing things in automatic cannot be good for the brain. Having newer things to do, more often than not, has to be the best way to get around that. I can understand that such a request is rather impossible. We all need the routine to satisfy the social need for settlement. As social actors we need the sense of security about things that we do and that may take place. However, the inertia must not exert as much power as it does on me. I know, most of the people live that way, and get by fine. Yet, this does not seem to be my case.

My only solution, as of this moment, is to remember to be alert. I think that army people could tell me that such should be a way of life. To be alert at all times, no matter what. Not to take anything for granted. Observe the surrounding stimuli; and always look to the right, to the left, to the front, and to the back. And if I kind of hear a flipping car coming over, I should respond to that!

Cuál es la distinción entre chemistry & it's reaction, emotions, and pensamientos?

One of the things that I've been interested in for this blog, and ma vie, has been the relationship between el ser/personality/alma/mind/coeur and the chemistry of the human body. The 'belly butterflies', the 'shaky hands', the insomnia, as well as much more complex misunderstandings labelled under the notions of psychiatric conditions, mental illnesses, have configured my questioning.

My initial training was in psychology, and back then I was rather uncritical of the condition of labelling, as I applied it to myself as much as to others for the fun of it. Although i say that I was uncritical, I wasn't satisfied and although i didn't elaborate that in a very conscious nor verbal manner, I was on the right track since then. Moving on, i took another journey, one in which i developed further my initial training, new studies/discipline, and diverse other ways of thinking about the social and the human. In other words, I got hands on my life. During this time, I have come to realise that things become more complex the more we look at them, and jugamos con las ideas por medio del diálogo interno y externo. I know, i'm just talking about mon trajet de la naïveté.

I'm thinking about this at this moment because i've had an edgy week within me, I've experienced it in a rather jumpy way. Probably I was sensing something, but wasn't sure what that was. Nothing special going on in my routinised life. Work's been peaceful for the past two weeks, so that's nice. Home's been without much turmoil. But then, here they come, the important issues: money, family, the present and a vision of a worsening future on money matters. Things that are happening in my family worry me, and I know i can't do a thing about it. My man has had a hard pill to swallow, and I carry that in my belly, and my mind cannot focus on anything anymore. Just want to go away from here and stare at the ceiling. Am I upset? probably. And then, I have to pretend with the people that surround me. So, I take them as therapeutic, or so that's the way i want to see them like. Would that work out well? Would I be able to 'relax', and 'concentrate' on things? Don't want to write more about this because the more i do it, the more 'obsessed' i grow and my shoulders 'feel stiff'.

There is an interrelation between the social-human mind-human body, and would not want to separate them to attend at them as domains particuliers. Doing that would lead me to the arbitrary labelling of phenomena. Thus how could I approach them?

La réponse être inconnu.

Somos la Gente

We Are The People


Briefly, without unnecessary comments. Being enjoying Empire of the Sun since last year, I want to share this video. It's filmed in Mexico showing my favourite imagery. Looks so mad!

Darkness gives, Light...

On the 30th of December, I was by the Norfolk coast in a very cold night. I took this picture of the sky, star and the moon (with a lighted house ruining the picture). It was a after 4:30pm.

Yesterday evening, arriving home later than usual, I noticed the dramatic change that has been coming over. There was light in the sky. I remembered then that the day before i shut the music off just to listen to the birds from my neighbours' gardens. It simply felt nice. I thought, hum, it's been dark for so long that I forgot it could only get lighter.

In all these years away from the tropical country, where the earliest darkness means 7pm at its worst, I've heard that people struggle to get over the common winter darkness. As we know there has even been denominated a winter syndrome explaining that we people need to be shed some sun light, with a dash of UV to feel right. What puzzles me, is that while we 'know', 'are aware', and most likely genetically informed by these geographical changes in the provision of sunlight, we react strongly to it. What could this possibly mean?

In the simplest way, i see this as body/nature beats enlightenment. This is a thing that I will applaud when it's recognised as such. The way I have experienced this darkness/lightness events have been in the rawest possible way. Coming from the tropics, where sun baths us constantly, where i had a skin colour rather than 'ill shade', I ignorantly took for granted that only in territories of the very north darkness falls without mercy for six months, and light for other six months. Nop, I didn't do my homework here.

My very first winter in England, I noticed the gradual darkening of the sky by October. Then I was told that by November/December it was going to be dark at 5:30pm. It then got dark by 4:30pm, and I felt so down and got the blues without noticing them. It took me a good three years or maybe even four years to semi-adapt to this. Now, I try to experience this just like walking into the tube during the rush-hour: it's something that just happens. Indeed, I've become rather rational about the phenomenon. Nonetheless, when light comes back, I've noticed that I go mental about it. Every single sunshine, I want to take it inside of me. And so, I think that I want to keep it this way. Don't want to be rational about this, only to the extent of wearing UV protection.

An Enblem

Ok, I'm not sure if this is the right name but the signpost is for The Massachusetts Turnpike. I liked it for two reasons. We went to Boston all the way from England(yes, the drama), and then one thing i first saw was the signpost to NY... Hum, I'm somewhere new, and then i feel like I should be looking for the next place to go! I know, this is only one way for interpreting things. The other reason why I loved the sign was because of the pilgrim hat, probably symbolising the witches of Salem and the trials.

Well, we had a fantastic trip, great cold weather, nice parks, riverside walking, market sneaking, millions of italian food restaurants, and delicious cheesecake. What else can one possibly want? ah, and a nice token of Mexican food: fresh tomatillos!

The highlights are many. The fulfilment of certain stereotypes: big cars, big food portions, ultra polite service people, people dressed properly according to the weather, massive sense of space. Some ideas were challenged: almost no one was fat (probably because it was Boston where everybody seem to be jogging).

A very surprising thing was that it felt like there were not many people around. Difficult to explain this. Not that we had any expectation whatsoever, but coming from the UK, where many places, including small towns and villages, feel very crowded on a Saturday afternoon, we did not get that feel anywhere we went in Boston. There was always a sensation that there were not many people around. The only places that were crowded were the food joints (bars and restaurants alike). Otherwise, you could as well walk comfortably on the streets, not people skipping at all. Maybe only in the T (the subway and bus transport services). Not queueing anywhere either, only when arriving to a restaurant. Anyway, the city felt like a place i would like living in.

Obviously, a feature that I most likely was going to appreciate was the multicultural past and present history of Boston. While in the past it was mainly home to Irish, Italians and Africans (an others), it is now also home to people from the Latin American Caribbean, Central and South America. I could not clearly differentiate between them; however, i could notice the presence of Peruvians and Brazilians, which is very interesting. Also, in some places -closer to the MIT- the smell of curry reminded me of my current home.

Where do I intend to get with this post? I really don't know. Probably, all I want to say is that this trip was quite symbolic for many reasons. However, it was mainly because it is the first new place I visit in three years. Having the opportunity, once more, to visit a different country showed me how comfortably numb I've gone. I know, it was only a matter of time to realise about this.

Pics from Cambridge and Boston

Hope Regained: Coming to the U S of A and to the World

Coincidentally, I'll be visiting a city in the US during the first week of Barack Obama's presidency. It is a most welcome coincidence for me, as I would be dreading going there otherwise. This is due for many reasons that are far from binary, but which I will not explain now, because that's not my point.

Hope has been the most used word prior, during, and after the elections. Currently, is a feeling permeating people's lives, or at least the lives of many of us. I'm surprised at how engaged I've been with this, ever since the first time I heard about Barack Obama's candidacy for the democratic post. Probably that was back in 2006 - don't trust me when it comes to measuring time.

What he represents to me is exactly hope. A hope that I've never had in anyone or anything, barely have it in life or in the social. If I was ever hopeful, I must have been a very young toddler then. I'm a cynic, this has brought me troubles in life, thus I've learnt to disguise my self. So having the pleasure of actually experiencing hope as raw as it could ever be, at least so I think now, is incomparable. I don't know what this means, and I don't think I have any expectations, because that would be quite ridiculous. However, the sole sensation of hoping that things will be different to what they are now - seeing change as anything that will be different from what the it has been - is ultimately special to me.

Looking back to when Barack won the elections, I now am aware that it influenced me to change something radically in my life. The hope that inundated me triggered certain kind of madness that I never thought it would happen. Back then in November 2008, I didn't understand the reasons why that change took place. It is actually, at this very moment when I'm writing, that I'm understanding the Barack Obama effect in me. I'm working towards that newness as I speak.

Another Year without Him

My grandfather died almost two years ago, he was very close to his grandchildren who miss him ever so much. Most of this second year has been less painful for me, probably perhaps I've been way too busy to shed as many thoughts to his non-presence. His death was a nasty surprise, although we all expected that sooner than later he may pass away (he was almost 84); he was a mighty healthy mad man. When he died he was in a hospital bed, had lost most of his blood by a hemorrhage due to an undiagnosed ulcer. He was not aware of that, and almost until the very moment when he died, challenged Death relentlessly. He was tied up to the bed because he wanted to get off, feisty until almost the very end. That's how he died, with his children next to him caressing him, my mom at the very last moment guiding him during his departure.

It's hard to think about that, very hard for me. He had been forever there for me, since the moment when i came out from my mom's womb, during my million of visits to his house, he gave me my first taste of Tequila tipping some with his finger (or so he claimed), told me that almost everyday he dreamed with my dead grandmother (no one knew about this as I later found out), spoke English words to my husband (words that he remembered from when he went to kindergarten). My doctoral degree was hundred per cent dependant on him. It would have simply never happened in the way it did. And when he died, unfortunately I wasn't there. I don't flagellate my self about this, things happen for a reason... The last time I heard his voice over the phone was on a xmas eve, then I had a massive sensation that he would die very soon, and so he did two or three weeks later.

It's been hard enough to expect time and space to help me in understanding the great experience of death in the family. Probably, it is in moments like that when faith and religious beliefs of any sort come in assistance to give sense and structure to what otherwise represents the total end of the body and mind. Are we really more than just a chemical reaction? Is the self more than just communication from brain activity? Or is brain activity a tool of the self to express it to the outside world? how can this help to understand the result of the dead ones?

Whatever is the case, the fact is that people we love come and go. Sometimes they go forever. And we deal with their absence, thinking about the shared life experience, thus making them immortal. My good friend called me once he learnt that I've been back home and back here from the after-funeral proceedings. He said that few years earlier he had lost his grandmother, with whom he also had had a meaningful relationship. His words still come to my mind as the truest consolation that anyone could have given me: nothing will fill the space he has left in my life, it will be forever like a missing step in the stairs.

Can anyone explain this?

A colleague of mine has recently come back from Vienna, and shared some of his pics. One of those that caught my attention was this one:



I'm already amazed by the sexist toilet allocation in the UK, where you would have the common indicator of: women and baby changing; or a mini cabin for baby breastfeeding inside of the women's toilets. The latter example has been my latest shock find back in November. I've got to admit that a male friend, who has two babies, told me maybe -sometime earlier last year- that somewhere in the UK he found baby changing facilities in one men's toilet, which was handy for him as he had felt alienated by the social stereotypes.

However, in the case of the photograph shown above, I'm more amused than shocked. I simply do not know what to make of it. Could it be that men are capable of going to the same toilet on their own and women may need a man companion? Or, could it be that the men's toilet in this particular hotel/restaurant, had urinals only and they are 'allowed' to use women's toilet to have a shit?

Resting the routine is about to end...

I've got to admit that for once, in a very long time, I took the word rest to all its possible extent. Turned on the pc only to watch a couple of films while the man was watching footy, and basically only two days ago I turned on the computer properly, to check emails, search some stuff that I promised to my brother I was going to help him with, and currently I'm doing some other thing i promised to someone.

Holidays are such a rare thing nowadays, the promise to the worker that once in a while s/he will receive some spare time to be away from the madness of the working life. I say rare thing because i sometimes people only take days off here and there (which I have done some times). However, to take days off to completely disconnect from anything related to the world out there is almost impossible or we simply do not want to do that. Very few occasions I've done something that have involved only chilling by the beach (which failed this year because i got ill once i arrived to the beach and spent most of my time in bed with high fever). Other times, have gone to the middle of the forest.

However, this time was new, we spent the whole time on our own at home. Did hell of a lot of walking to and back from town. Ignored the shopping frenzy by simply not getting inside of the shops, just fooling around in cafes and pubs. Then back home, watching films and recorded series, playing board games, listening to music, talking to the family, reading a little bit, and once, we went to the beach.

The only heavy activity was cooking (taking place only three times). Once for Xmas, another time for the 'anniversary', and another time for new year's. The cooking implied spending most of a whole day in the kitchen, but hey, food was lovely. There is one last celebration tomorrow, and that will signalled, as usual, the end of the holiday season.

Have these days been of any use to me? Absolutely, and that is for one crucial reason: I had time for me only. I needed so much to get away from studies, work and anything related to that. Needed to see how I am doing in relation to everything that goes on in my everyday life. Learnt, for instance, that so many activities that I cherished in the past (prior to having a job), have become part of my routine. Therefore, while in the past I went to cinema as a much more enjoyable activity, during these days, I didn't have the need to do so because i knew that I would start going as soon as the holidays would end. That was a new discovery for me. For example, now that I've got a job, I don't have time to watch films at home as i did before. Especially, with studying and working at the same time, it makes free time rather scarce. I mean, nowadays, I only have time to watch a film here and there at home, but not like i did in the past. Thus cinema has become an everyday escape from home, a reason to stop studying...

Still, the two things that I verified are: how much I miss my family and having our conversations and ways of killing time together. I also verified that I terribly miss having a friend over here. It has been the most taxing event since i moved towns.

I enjoyed having time just to be and to think about some bits from the past, lots about the present, and most importantly, on the future. There will be much going on, as usual with me.