No more Music for Now

I know I promised I was going to upload more xmas music, but as of now, I cannot do that anymore. As much as I've been searching online, I cannot seem to find something else that would complement the two clips I've already provided here. I shown two clips that I listed to when I was a little girl. But the music i listened to as a teenager was totally different. I didn't care about xmas, I didn't really listened to anything seasonal at all (when being by myself). Yet, the music I listened too, was the same that they play here, so it's unnecessary to repeat that.

So, I guess this is all for now with regards to seasonal music.

Dance as an Elf!

Just a quickie one.

As of this morning, we have discovered this great website
Elf Yourself and had so much fun using it. You can upload up to five pictures and then you and your mates will be transformed into elves! You can then select from a small range of dances and enjoy the fun. It's brilliant because you can downloaded and send it around.

Try it!

In Understanding Boredom and Emptiness

I've struggled for far too long in trying to understand the extent to which emotions are influenced and controlled by the chemistry of our brain and body. To what extent are emotions and feelings influenced by the soul and the mind. Which of these are entities on their own and which are creations of our thinking only. I suppose that I'll keep on with these questions for as long as I live.

Two notions I've been briefly discussing about recently is the possible difference, if such exists, between boredom and emptiness. The other day, my partner told me that he felt empty at work. He's said that before, but i could not understand what he meant by feeling empty. When he explained, as simple as the explanation was: feeling nothing about nothing, gaining nothing from nothing, and so on. I thought that such is the way I feel when I claim to be bored. Such as I feel now. But still, I'm bored because I don't think I am benefiting in any possible way from the work I'm doing today (working on an research report that only reflects a tiny bit of my work on it and none of my approach). Hey, but such is life. So, this is kind of lack of motivation as of this day. Thus, being motiveless causes me getting bored and anxious.

Yet, I've never called it 'feeling empty'. For me that sounds far stronger than being bored. However, it is still with the hope that it can only get full. Feeling empty means that there was something there before that has been drained. Can one be fully drained at once? I think that this happens gradually. I get bored gradually. Working on the same pointless thing makes me feel like I need a break to re-energize.

What do you do when you feel empty? How do you feel up the void? This questions give a different perspective to boredom and emptiness. I can help my self with doing other stuff that gives me the strength to bear the pointlessness of what I do. Yet, I could not imagine what can be done when there is nothing that can feel up the experience of being emptied, since this comes from the outside and the damage is far worse. This requires more drastic measures, like changing completely the environment that has caused the emptiness in one self. Whereas this is also a solution to boredom, being bored happens at any place and time. Feeling empty probably is experienced when a place and time are particularly draining and leave one in a limbo.

Interlude

TIME Magazine has published some old college photos from Barack Obama. I'm only posting three of them, which I really liked. I don't want to spell out the narrative of the photographic sequence that I've built here.

Xmas: Music Galore (Part 2)

As promise, here goes a second installment of seasonal music.

This clip is another very old one, as it's from my childhood, of course it has to be ancient. To be perfectly honest, I think that this video was filmed before I was born, but this song Feliz Navidad (written in 1970) was a super hit in the 70s and the 80s.

The video shows a young José Feliciano. I found that there are other much more contemporary videos of this song, but i want to keep it as realistic as possible with the time when it was created. Right, I'm not even getting into the topic of realism neither messing around with time nor with the combination of both. Just will let you enjoy this lovely video.

Xmas: Music Galore (Part 1)

I don't play the UK's seasonal-pop-music. That would not mean anything to me, because back home we play our own seasonal-pop-music, which is nothing like the one played here. Yet, it's as amusing!

This video is from my childhood days(1980s). The performers were my favourite band back in the day. They were a band from Spain called 'Parchis', and basically they made covers and had some songs of their own. Unfortunately, this is a boring video, yet funny. The song is 'Ven a mi casa esta navidad', which translates into English as: 'Come on over to my place during xmas'. The original songwriter of this song was Luis Aguilé, from Argentina.



I do enjoy this time of the year, it's simply so bizarre; and to increase this sensation, I'll try to post a couple of other music videos from the 1980s, so we get into the feeling. Enjoy if you knew this band and remember the song!

That Strange Object of Obsession

I've been too busy and therefore tired to even come down to write in the blog. This is rather unusual because I'm normally not tired from the everyday doings, you see that is simply not me. First I thought i was getting ill... well, I'm still thinking that I'm ill with some strange cancer, I still have to decide what kind of cancer. I've been so tired, that, for example, yesterday was trying to make up some words when chatting with one of my work colleagues, and I struggle to talk, perhaps I wasn't interested, but still, I felt tired. Too tired to even talk! That is definitely not me. Fortunately, as soon as I left work I felt better. Thus, probably is the bad air in the office, 'dense-heavy air', and oxygen is delayed in its route towards the brain to make it function well enough.

Or is it that? Can it be simply the 'heavy air' at the office room? And can the brain can only depend on that little thing? I know the obvious answer, but I'm writing this blog to challenge the obvious for many. Even the obvious for me.

Lately, I've been feeling physically bad, nothing seems to motivate me. Yes, it's dark here, early darkness and much clouds covering the sky. These result in almost a null exposition to sunlight. Sure, think again about the wintry syndrome. But, I don't think it's that simple. I still want to hang up with my disease.

Obsessing with ideas of all sorts are intriguing to me. Since when studying psychology, with friends always discussed about the many causes of neurosis and psychosis. The mind and soul have been profoundly explored since the era when mankind decided that there was a god and others to be judged under certain rules should they disobey. That has intrigued me since before I learn to read or write, way before that. As a little girl, I was browsing heavy books that had information about 'madness'. Well, i didn't read back then of course, but i saw the artistic impressions of 'madness' and the response to it. Thanks to painting, sculpture and music, the small/young people that cannot read or write can gain a glimpse of the human in its many shapes. Fortunately to me.

Thus, obsession, as one expression of 'madness', has hunted me. This has happened not only because of mere curiosity, but because I do obsess, constantly, over and over things. Some obsessions have remained through the decades, some others are new. Yet, they are all a reflection of myself and something about me. I was talking to someone recently about that, and the person told me that while i understand that I'm projecting and reflecting on others' actions, I shall not disregard their actions as unacceptable. For example, the atrocious events taking place in Mexico. Up to now, since the beginning of 2008, five thousand people have been killed due to the ongoing drug-cartel related wars. This involves, absolutely and without question, the state and all its law enforcing branches; civilians with and without relations with the cartels; paramilitaries, and other factions from the army. This is a thing I think every day, and cannot go without checking out what is going on about it. Cannot pass a day without having a quick update. It's like a drug. You see. Need to know! It's not simple curiosity. Think and think about it, and do not find a way out. Not being there is, above all, not reason enough to be indifferent, as that's not in my nature. I could be there, like many and intend to be indifferent. However, as things have escalated, being indifferent is absolutely impossible nowadays. Yet, the achievement of consciousness and agency are not the social prizes to this day.

So, OK. I've said it. And as I was writing, that annoyingly long paragraph, had to be stopped. I had to come into terms with it, and to leave it for now. Too much can be delusional anyway. Let me know what you think, is this an obsession, or my own humane and social concern with the things that go on in the place that matters to me? Or is it, as I think, a non-stoppable thinking due to my inability to do something about it. My beloved ones, have always told me that it is unnecessary to think that much about it, because there is nothing i can do. Perhaps that is why this results in an obsession: I cannot do a thing about. It's like the candy I cannot have, well, I don't eat candy. It's like the perfect weather that I cannot enjoy. It is so much uncontrollable that I have to check the weather almost for any plan I make, just so I know how it may be when I go out there... to the world.

B of the Bang into Trouble

It's been recently in the news, not really in the big news though, that this massive extraordinary sculpture's designers have been sued by the local authorities. According to The Guardian, no one has been really injured by this sculpture, however there is some negligence in its construction and maintenance, possing thus as a hazard to the community.

Seeing pictures of this sculpture do actually leave me gobsmacked. It's beautiful, and at least in the pictures, it looks perfect, like a real explosion, like something is coming out from the centre. Now, making that sculpture most have taken certain levels of imagination and creativity and skills that not many of us could ever have. And while i think that indeed, it could be dangerous, especially because of spikes falling off here and there...I think its something to be noted.

Looking at this image, through this medium, makes me ponder about the premises guiding this blog. What are the things that direct us inside? Can we only be reacting to the nature and the social? Or is that the chemical functions of our brain and body are so particular that allow us to create, to admire, and to challenge?

This is another pick, from Sheffield Hallam University. Couldn't resist as there are too many of them. I think this is particularly beautiful and contrasting to the picture i put on the top.

Sledging on Art, AKA, if Durkheim would know, would say HI FIVE to those Finns! or would flip...

The other day, I was talking to one of my course mates, he is a fantastic guy who is in the Art Design department. Well, we were doing an assignment together, and then he mentioned, out of the blue! Have you seen this video showing someone 'skiing' on an Aalto chair? I was so fascinated! couldn't believe what I've heard... So he showed me the video. I felt that I wanted to be there, in the middle of nowhere doing 'no non-sense' things. Anyway, I'm where I am, cannot be fooling around as much as I wish. But, here it is! It made me laugh so much when that guy at the end yells: PAHA! hahahaha.

Chin chin, Hölökun kölökun (I know I'm missing the right spelling here, so forgive me please).

Heart's Filthy Lesson: "I Abuse you, Tongue in Cheek"

Before I begin my narrative, I want to apologise to my beloved David, because I'm taking his music (song) to illustrate the bitterness of my story. But, as I much admire him, I feel is the thing that fits too well with what i would like to tell.

Once upon a time, I met someone, like we all do. This someone seemed at first like me. I was happy, like i would have normally been, for having the chance to meet a person with whom i would identify with, i could talk about as many possible things, agree and disagree comfortably, and still be myself. This romanticism lasted only for a little while. Not long enough. That remains the most scary bit, because i still wonder if that person was me, or if it was someone else outside from me? This, i know, is another topic.

Anyway, I befriended this someone, whom I thought was the most improbable person in the world to be like me. Back then, I was right, and I should have paid attention to meself. I thought, as I think sometimes, that it was faith. Perhaps, it is still faith. However, after a while, i perceived that the person was not what i first thought the person was. This particular creature, has a signature expression, which got me fed up after hearing it every single day. After, whichever thing s/he would say, would come up the uncompromising phrase: 'by the way, i mean this completely with my tongue in my cheek.'

It took me a while to realise, as it takes me generally, that this person has used this phrase to get around in life. Also, most likely, never been challenged by abusing the phrase. I do not appreciate people who do not compromise. I know, I am a lazy bastard, but like it or not, I have compromised with my statements and standing point in life. I would not be here writing this down otherwise.

On this person's defense, I guess we all abuse some catch-phrases, things we say become part of our-front-stage-selves. Yet, this person, did really have a reason to abuse this phrase, and, as I found out the hard way, it was because s/he was an abusive person, altogether. A misogynist pig, as the philosophical Argenteneans would say.

So, I met this misogynist pig, who disguises under a catch-phrase, and under the self-patronising idea that s/he grew up in a time and place when and where that was the only way to grew up. Sadly, this person is not someone that has never read a book. This is a person who has read several books, spent time teaching, and supposedly works in an academic environment... Well, I don't blame the supposedly academic environment, I only want to raise a case against this person.

There has not been responsibility laid on her/his shoulders for her/his actions against the rest of us: simple losers that socially lure around the world trying to find meanings. I am sad and disappointed, once again, at my own expectations, and my foolishness. I have been a momentary victim of this person, who thought that by standing up and literally looking down at my while speaking loudly, would silent my soul and mind. Indeed, s/he silenced my mouth, but nothing else. Yet, I've got to admit, that it was only until the latest events that I've made my mind. I always give people many chances...didn't I already say that I am a fool?

On that occasion, I dare to say something, for the first time, that would be challenging to this person. Her/his reaction was to stand up, coming nearer to me (I was sitting down), and defended her/himself, in a loud and firm voice towards me, literally looking down at me. I, for that instant, felt shocked-frightened, and told the person that if that was what s/he would think, it was her/his business. It took me a couple of days to come into terms with this situation. Considering that I see this person on a daily basis does not help.

A last thing this person did, was to refer to me, by the way tongue in cheek, as 'a woman therefore you don't have certain abilities'. Well, in my full acknowledgement of demise towards this semi-friendship, i turned around and kept on minding my business. The person realised that s/he said something that made me feel uneasy, and said: 'well, you know, that is what psychologists claim to'.

Well, I am sorry. I am sorry, for not realising early enough that you are another abusive person, by the way, i would not tell you this 'tongue in cheek'.

Hope is a Great Feeling

The cartoon is borrowed from The Guardian's Steve Bell. Can be accessed through: http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/cartoon/2008/nov/05/uselections2008-georgebush

When i thought that everything was lost... there i found a Black Devil Doll

Where to start? A couple of weekends ago, i was home, my hubby was ill, so not much to do in the outside world. I had then some time to check the usual websites with horror films' info and trailers. I have listed some of those links in this blog.

So, i was checking out some trailers. For example, i saw a few trailers from a mad film called: 'Zombie Strippers'. Don't need to say more, otherwise i'll spoil the fun. And then, the title to a fantastic film to set my eyes on: 'Black Devil Doll', by an American film maker named Jonathan Lewis. He seems to be a very clever chap with much knowledge of the so called 'giallo' films. I think it was there where he got me, no need for more. He's made a graceful homage to the work of Argento, for instance.

Since i was an older girl, eleven years old to be precise, before turning into a nasty teenager, i started watching Argento's and Bava's films. These films helped me to go through the social alienation i suffered as a teenager (I went to a stupid posh school with spoiled brats that didn't care to include me in their idiotic circle). In the long run, i learnt to be grateful. Who knows what waste would have become of me if i would have fit in that kind of Mexican/semi-upper class system. Don't even want to dare to think about that possibility.

Anyway, that's my background in a nutshell. Horror films and books were part of my self-help back in the day. So far, until the present they remain a very important part of my life. For instance, last year, I began attending the London 'Fright Fest', which is a great opportunity to watch mad horror films with people alike. The link to that website is also listed in this blog.

Sorry for the detour.

Thus yes, I'm one of the most looking forward kind of people to watch this film. Black Devil Doll is about a diabolically possessed black doll who rapes and kills white chicks. Yes, you read it right. But, it is supposed to be only a doll... yet after a satanic rite, things go wrong, very wrong. This is one of the most sleazy things i've come across in a while, it's a mixture of horror films, blaxploitation and whitexploitation, and all other sorts of exploitations. Simply magnificent and funny. I guess i would have to wait until i can buy the dvd, which seem to become available by December.

For more info you can click on the film's poster image i've added in this blog. Enjoy!

Dragonfly

Blackberry Bushes

Not only have we spent the weekend freakishly trying to pick as many blackberries as possible before the first freeze arrives (they promise it'll be today); but, we enjoyed a nice chilling activity just like in the previous years.

This all began when we lived in the country. It was a great cottage near the road and paths where we could go and collect seasonal fruits. This has been the first year in which i haven't gone to collect damsons, which made me feel a bit sad...

It took us a while to get a grip and rush for the blackberries. We played with the idea for way too long and I was afraid that the season was over. Some may say that by October 'the devil has touched the berries'. While this maybe be or not truth, i found lots of devilish fruits and finally had our first autommy crumble of the year. Such a fantastic presence the smells had in the kitchen. And, such a marvellous memory the spoonfuls of the crumble brought back to me. Warmth, happiness, anxiety, and many other nice autumn days that are long gone when i was still writing up my dissertation and spent many lonely days and many days alone.

I wanted to post a picture from a huge dragonfly i found in one of the blackberry bushes. You see, at this time of the year you don't find those creatures around anymore. Ah, one last thing. We were in the middle of the field getting the berries, it was such an interesting massive bush dividing the field into two because of a tiny stream. While being there and doing that, i forgot where i was, I completely lost the sense of orientation and spatial position. I was simply in another place, skipping thorns (not always successfully), having mouthfuls of blackberries, and probably biting into a snail or two.

Afterwards, my partner brought me back to the sense of reality, and took one of our usual paths and that reminded me of where we were. Strange the ways the brain can sometimes work in the nature.

Even After a Cup of Coffee

Afternoon, in the office, had a little celabration -sandwiches, great proper cake, the usual crips and dips, nasty Asti-. After that, have to go back to my desk, sit down and try to return to my work. Or were was I? Reading Husserl's transcendetal phenomenology. I just enjoy reading that, but can't get around at the moment. Not because of boredom with my self, but because there are some issues here at the office that arose during the celebration and about which I feel strong. Therefore, my mind tells me just to go home and take a rest after the psychological effort i put on.

But, well, can't throw the towell. Everybody is still here, so i must do so too.

I don't want to eat cloned animals...

I just came across an article in the NYT published on the 4th of October, and it's entitled: 'Coming to a Plate Near You'. This informs the Americans, but obviously this has repercussions elsewhere, that produce from cloned and genetically modified animals will be made available to us consumers. To us consumers who cannot afford/access expensive organic food. Furthermore, it seems like that food agencies do not intend to regulate this to the core and intend less to inform us about the origins of the animals. Transparency does not seem to be the core element of these sort of campaigns.

I know that we have been consuming genetically manipulated vegetables and legumes for years. I also know that little we can do to escape the effects of these scientific advancements. However, this increases my concern. It does scare me that, while they try to maximise the production from farmers and consumption of us all, and boost the economy, all the genetic manipulations made on animals, are passed on to us and to the nature as well. I wonder if the scientists (those working on those labs companies) have forgotten about the food chain and that thing we refer to as 'ecosystem'. I think in a very simple way: we put a genetically modifies/cloned creature in the world. This creature needs to eat, shag, shit and sooner than later will be killed to feed us. Us, will eat it, and then will shag, shit and die. All of these are actions and reactions in theirs and our bodies and this is deposited back into the nature/ecosystem/somewhere on planet Earth anyway. Moreover, whatever that stays in our body, is transmitted to others, particularly our children. And this is a long-lasting chain.

Whilst I am aware that I may sound like a mad paranoid retrograde person, I have always, perhaps because of my upbringing -my dad is a scientist-, questioned all of those genetic manipulations and the consequences that they may have on everything that is alive. I know, that this food is cheap and accessible to as many as possible. And i know, we have to eat. But, it is so upsetting to know that we as consumers are also part, unwittingly, of the experiments. Do scientists ever question that? Have they left aside the notion of 'preventive' medicine? In my view, these actions are not addressing the consequences.

This image is borrowed from the NYT, 12th of October:



The link for the opinion section is: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/13/opinion/l13fda.html?ref=opinion

Gone, Bike Gone

Last Friday, after a hard working week, i went to the bicycle park to realise that my bike was not there... It felt rather awful, something that i used, a basic thing for me, a symbol of my independence for moving was taken away from me.

Immediately i called my partner. Then, i went to see the security officer of my university, where i work. They told me that i most likely left the lock unlocked, since it was left at the scene and unbroken. They gave me a form to fill up, which i took to the police station to denounce the crime.

At the police station, i had an even weirder experience. They have a small room where i picked up a phone, which directed me towards a switchboard. There i said i wanted to report a crime, that my bike was stolen. Afterwards, a very nice lady took all my information and provided me with a crime reference number. She said, that if i wanted to look for my bike, that i could check second hand shops and eBay. Fantastic. Case closed, at least on the surface.

That night i went to town, walked around. It was a very cold nigh. Then, I met with my partner for a drink. Afterwards, he took me home.

I was in eventual shock. It was a very disturbing feeling.

I know other people, many people, have serious problems in their lives and I should not be moaning about something so simple as having a bike stolen.

Well, it is now rather difficult to buy a new bike. I think to myself, if i buy a nice one, it increases it chances to be stolen again. If i buy a shitty one, or one i don't like too much, i will not be pleased with it. Humm, quite a dilemma for me (of the superficial kind of course).

In the meantime, I'm borrowing my partner's bike. It's a rattling rusty thing, and a bit big for me, but well, it's alright while i find my own. I know, although nasty, this is a minor incident. I'm fine, or am i not?

On Monday morning, when i arrived to work, when i was parking the bike, my hands were shaking. I then realised that that event did affected me more than i first thought.

Today, i felt better, and did not think much about the whole issue. Only in my lunch break, while walking on the streets, tried looking around in case i would see my old bike.

Effects from La Habitación de Fermat (Fermat's Room)

Finally, i get around to starting.

Human = chemical reaction? is my own persona experiment, after a couple of years of having ins and outs from my other shared blog, i thought that i ought to spare my other fellow bloggers from my constant ranting and keep it to my own space, and hopefully to share this with others.

Right, so while last Friday i decided to get with this blog, i left it to few days to sort it out. I am glad i waited, and that in the meantime i watched the film i mention in the title of this post, which has even given me more inspiration.

So, La habitación de Fermat is a film where some people are challenged under their mathematical way of approaching the world to figure their way out of death. I won't say more as i don't intend to spoil this to anyone. For me the most fascinating thing was that the film asserts that while humankind goes around complicating and solving the world scientifically, they also do so emotionally.

My overarching question and implied response is: which approach to the world has actually more weight for the people? While a scientist spends his life solving a mathematical problem, if achieving that, it is the gratification and becoming famous for doing so what matters. Is this a scientific thing or an emotional thing.

Even more, not solving a mathematical problem leaves humankind and the world as it was an instant before. Yet, solving a mathematical problem could cause a change (small or big) in humankind and the world.

Rather than playing the devil's advocate, i propose the same as what i started from: a question that could only have different answers and more different questions.

So far, i have some conclusions, which depend on the context under which i formulate them. For example, sometimes i have thought that we are more than just body and mind, and that we also have a soul. Other times, i stick with the question of 'what is the mind if not the soul?'. Some other times, 'what is the mind if not an intangible result from chemical reactions?'. Lately, i have been thinking, 'what are we if not the duality of body (chemical, organic, mechanic, etc) and a dash of something else that is intangible and inexplicable?'