Confusion on the things that matter

Lately, I've been too busy running errands that I have left this blog behind. Way too behind from everything that's being going on in and outside my life.

The most important thing has been that I've engaged in all sorts of things, and particularly one that has taken my breath away. It takes most of my attention and it seems like it will only get worse as time goes by. This is the prospect of a newcomer into my life.

Now, the reason that finally drove me to write again is that in the past couple of weeks, I have become a moaning machine. My body project, as I called it months ago, has of course become massive. Starting to ache here and there more than usual, and as the bump gets bigger and bigger the moaning increases. The fear to greater incomprehensible pain increases too. However, this has been challenged by two recent events of the same nature, that could not be compare to the pettiness of my psychological position. One of my dearest persons had a loss. This distressed me severely, however I could try to offer support, nothing would have made her feel better. The other situation is that an online relation is forced to facing the terrible decision of termination almost at the end of her pregnancy.

Situations where choices are not given to people, where extremes of psychological and physical pain that could not generate anything more than grieving, slap me the face of my self. Suggest me to shut up, and keep on going as things are going fine so far for me. The pain that I'm having is natural and so I should aim at experiencing this way. Yes, this is me admitting to that, but such thought is just intellectually questionable though.

That's so far, and may possibly prevail, my biggest challenge. The challenge that few could understand. And then, me realises that I'm a terrestrial moaner that's lost in the routine of everyday life. Having nothing else better to do than just to seek for pathetic ways of approaching something so incomprehensibly exciting and scary as sharing my life with a completely fresh little creature that grows and moves inside me.