Preparing my hybrid feast for the weekend!

If people still do not understand the existence of hybridity at the social level, I always think that they most live completely isolated from anything that goes around them. I just thought that I could use my practice for this weekend as an example, even as silly as it is. So here it is.

Tomorrow, I'll celebrate with a American-style pumpkin pie (got me pumpkin there, just need the remaining ingredients). I've got some squash to roast and have in a succulent salad (this is an English recipe). On Sunday, will be going to the British Museum to see Moctezuma's exhibition, as well as to participate of the Mexican Day of the Dead celebration that will take place in the museum. There will be Mexican snacks there!

So, how can I explain the hybrid that surfaces from these practices? I'm not in the full mood for complicating this further, but it clearly shows our ability as social creatures to acquire, without much pain, the things that different social practices have to offer to us. I fail to see here the idea that either of the cultures would take over the other ones. I rather experience them as experiences that may take place at different times, and that one can choose from according to our feelings as well as the need to satisfy our sense of belonging and what provides us more pleasure. It is truly a highly complex situation, that in my opinion, cannot be reduced to one or two explanations and analyses.

Expression from Nature

I found this image in The Guardian. There is a selection of wildlife photographic images that were winners at a competition this year. This particular one stroke me for the black & white imposition that makes it even more dramatic that it originally is. Also, because I've always been amazed when I have the chance to witness the starlings doing something similar in the sky. I've never seen anything of this magnitude though!

Not confused, just overwhelmed by the paradox

It is quite strange to realise that some of the (over)reactions to events, daily circumstances are the result of hormonal effects. In my view, the most surprising thing is that in spite of the awareness of the effects that hormonal unbalance brings into my response to events, it does not help me to feel better or to avoid responding the way I do. This way would normally be very very emotionally. Feelings of tender apprehension that take me to the limits of my mental disorder.

Sometimes, just like now, I wish I could manage and control. Isn't this supposed to be only a reaction from chemistry taking place in my body and brain? Is the effect of that reaction so powerful that does not allow me to execute a positive indifference to the pettiest of things? And the worst bit, or so i think now, is that due to the awareness of what causes my response, I must express that to the others, and let them patronise me at their leisure.

It is a paradoxical relationship between the body and the self. Too much to understand from the experience. Too little space/time to search and find the required patience/antidote before providing the regrettable response, specially with my closest ones, in my private social space. For instance, when I started writing this post, and while I was in the process of writing it, I was completely out of my head. I was even further disturbed to feel worse. But then, as I wrote and thought and expressed the loss of my self in this paradoxical relationship with the body, I felt calmer. No more unnecessary thoughts. However, this took me a while, and it wasn't easy to calm this well. But I'm at home, in a place where I can fully be and release from the chains of mutual misunderstanding and the need to save face.

Nevertheless, in a public social environment, such as being at work, sometimes I don't find the chance to calm and respond adequately. I mention the example of being at work, because unfortunately it has become the only social environment from which I participate and it has become my only point of reference and source of interaction to the social world... I know that such situation is one that feeds into the complexity of my current upheavals of emotions. If I would simply have more to do with other environments, I would probably felt that things were better than they are. But that is another story that remains to be written. Things will change for far better, very soon. Isn't the rule that the only way to break the paradox is to not participate from it?

Chameleon, Serial

Confusion on the things that matter

Lately, I've been too busy running errands that I have left this blog behind. Way too behind from everything that's being going on in and outside my life.

The most important thing has been that I've engaged in all sorts of things, and particularly one that has taken my breath away. It takes most of my attention and it seems like it will only get worse as time goes by. This is the prospect of a newcomer into my life.

Now, the reason that finally drove me to write again is that in the past couple of weeks, I have become a moaning machine. My body project, as I called it months ago, has of course become massive. Starting to ache here and there more than usual, and as the bump gets bigger and bigger the moaning increases. The fear to greater incomprehensible pain increases too. However, this has been challenged by two recent events of the same nature, that could not be compare to the pettiness of my psychological position. One of my dearest persons had a loss. This distressed me severely, however I could try to offer support, nothing would have made her feel better. The other situation is that an online relation is forced to facing the terrible decision of termination almost at the end of her pregnancy.

Situations where choices are not given to people, where extremes of psychological and physical pain that could not generate anything more than grieving, slap me the face of my self. Suggest me to shut up, and keep on going as things are going fine so far for me. The pain that I'm having is natural and so I should aim at experiencing this way. Yes, this is me admitting to that, but such thought is just intellectually questionable though.

That's so far, and may possibly prevail, my biggest challenge. The challenge that few could understand. And then, me realises that I'm a terrestrial moaner that's lost in the routine of everyday life. Having nothing else better to do than just to seek for pathetic ways of approaching something so incomprehensibly exciting and scary as sharing my life with a completely fresh little creature that grows and moves inside me.