Coincidentally, I'll be visiting a city in the US during the first week of Barack Obama's presidency. It is a most welcome coincidence for me, as I would be dreading going there otherwise. This is due for many reasons that are far from binary, but which I will not explain now, because that's not my point.
Hope has been the most used word prior, during, and after the elections. Currently, is a feeling permeating people's lives, or at least the lives of many of us. I'm surprised at how engaged I've been with this, ever since the first time I heard about Barack Obama's candidacy for the democratic post. Probably that was back in 2006 - don't trust me when it comes to measuring time.
What he represents to me is exactly hope. A hope that I've never had in anyone or anything, barely have it in life or in the social. If I was ever hopeful, I must have been a very young toddler then. I'm a cynic, this has brought me troubles in life, thus I've learnt to disguise my self. So having the pleasure of actually experiencing hope as raw as it could ever be, at least so I think now, is incomparable. I don't know what this means, and I don't think I have any expectations, because that would be quite ridiculous. However, the sole sensation of hoping that things will be different to what they are now - seeing change as anything that will be different from what the it has been - is ultimately special to me.
Looking back to when Barack won the elections, I now am aware that it influenced me to change something radically in my life. The hope that inundated me triggered certain kind of madness that I never thought it would happen. Back then in November 2008, I didn't understand the reasons why that change took place. It is actually, at this very moment when I'm writing, that I'm understanding the Barack Obama effect in me. I'm working towards that newness as I speak.
Tuesday 20 January 2009
Sunday 11 January 2009
Another Year without Him
My grandfather died almost two years ago, he was very close to his grandchildren who miss him ever so much. Most of this second year has been less painful for me, probably perhaps I've been way too busy to shed as many thoughts to his non-presence. His death was a nasty surprise, although we all expected that sooner than later he may pass away (he was almost 84); he was a mighty healthy mad man. When he died he was in a hospital bed, had lost most of his blood by a hemorrhage due to an undiagnosed ulcer. He was not aware of that, and almost until the very moment when he died, challenged Death relentlessly. He was tied up to the bed because he wanted to get off, feisty until almost the very end. That's how he died, with his children next to him caressing him, my mom at the very last moment guiding him during his departure.
It's hard to think about that, very hard for me. He had been forever there for me, since the moment when i came out from my mom's womb, during my million of visits to his house, he gave me my first taste of Tequila tipping some with his finger (or so he claimed), told me that almost everyday he dreamed with my dead grandmother (no one knew about this as I later found out), spoke English words to my husband (words that he remembered from when he went to kindergarten). My doctoral degree was hundred per cent dependant on him. It would have simply never happened in the way it did. And when he died, unfortunately I wasn't there. I don't flagellate my self about this, things happen for a reason... The last time I heard his voice over the phone was on a xmas eve, then I had a massive sensation that he would die very soon, and so he did two or three weeks later.
It's been hard enough to expect time and space to help me in understanding the great experience of death in the family. Probably, it is in moments like that when faith and religious beliefs of any sort come in assistance to give sense and structure to what otherwise represents the total end of the body and mind. Are we really more than just a chemical reaction? Is the self more than just communication from brain activity? Or is brain activity a tool of the self to express it to the outside world? how can this help to understand the result of the dead ones?
Whatever is the case, the fact is that people we love come and go. Sometimes they go forever. And we deal with their absence, thinking about the shared life experience, thus making them immortal. My good friend called me once he learnt that I've been back home and back here from the after-funeral proceedings. He said that few years earlier he had lost his grandmother, with whom he also had had a meaningful relationship. His words still come to my mind as the truest consolation that anyone could have given me: nothing will fill the space he has left in my life, it will be forever like a missing step in the stairs.
It's hard to think about that, very hard for me. He had been forever there for me, since the moment when i came out from my mom's womb, during my million of visits to his house, he gave me my first taste of Tequila tipping some with his finger (or so he claimed), told me that almost everyday he dreamed with my dead grandmother (no one knew about this as I later found out), spoke English words to my husband (words that he remembered from when he went to kindergarten). My doctoral degree was hundred per cent dependant on him. It would have simply never happened in the way it did. And when he died, unfortunately I wasn't there. I don't flagellate my self about this, things happen for a reason... The last time I heard his voice over the phone was on a xmas eve, then I had a massive sensation that he would die very soon, and so he did two or three weeks later.
It's been hard enough to expect time and space to help me in understanding the great experience of death in the family. Probably, it is in moments like that when faith and religious beliefs of any sort come in assistance to give sense and structure to what otherwise represents the total end of the body and mind. Are we really more than just a chemical reaction? Is the self more than just communication from brain activity? Or is brain activity a tool of the self to express it to the outside world? how can this help to understand the result of the dead ones?
Whatever is the case, the fact is that people we love come and go. Sometimes they go forever. And we deal with their absence, thinking about the shared life experience, thus making them immortal. My good friend called me once he learnt that I've been back home and back here from the after-funeral proceedings. He said that few years earlier he had lost his grandmother, with whom he also had had a meaningful relationship. His words still come to my mind as the truest consolation that anyone could have given me: nothing will fill the space he has left in my life, it will be forever like a missing step in the stairs.
Wednesday 7 January 2009
Can anyone explain this?
A colleague of mine has recently come back from Vienna, and shared some of his pics. One of those that caught my attention was this one:
I'm already amazed by the sexist toilet allocation in the UK, where you would have the common indicator of: women and baby changing; or a mini cabin for baby breastfeeding inside of the women's toilets. The latter example has been my latest shock find back in November. I've got to admit that a male friend, who has two babies, told me maybe -sometime earlier last year- that somewhere in the UK he found baby changing facilities in one men's toilet, which was handy for him as he had felt alienated by the social stereotypes.
However, in the case of the photograph shown above, I'm more amused than shocked. I simply do not know what to make of it. Could it be that men are capable of going to the same toilet on their own and women may need a man companion? Or, could it be that the men's toilet in this particular hotel/restaurant, had urinals only and they are 'allowed' to use women's toilet to have a shit?
I'm already amazed by the sexist toilet allocation in the UK, where you would have the common indicator of: women and baby changing; or a mini cabin for baby breastfeeding inside of the women's toilets. The latter example has been my latest shock find back in November. I've got to admit that a male friend, who has two babies, told me maybe -sometime earlier last year- that somewhere in the UK he found baby changing facilities in one men's toilet, which was handy for him as he had felt alienated by the social stereotypes.
However, in the case of the photograph shown above, I'm more amused than shocked. I simply do not know what to make of it. Could it be that men are capable of going to the same toilet on their own and women may need a man companion? Or, could it be that the men's toilet in this particular hotel/restaurant, had urinals only and they are 'allowed' to use women's toilet to have a shit?
Saturday 3 January 2009
Resting the routine is about to end...
I've got to admit that for once, in a very long time, I took the word rest to all its possible extent. Turned on the pc only to watch a couple of films while the man was watching footy, and basically only two days ago I turned on the computer properly, to check emails, search some stuff that I promised to my brother I was going to help him with, and currently I'm doing some other thing i promised to someone.
Holidays are such a rare thing nowadays, the promise to the worker that once in a while s/he will receive some spare time to be away from the madness of the working life. I say rare thing because i sometimes people only take days off here and there (which I have done some times). However, to take days off to completely disconnect from anything related to the world out there is almost impossible or we simply do not want to do that. Very few occasions I've done something that have involved only chilling by the beach (which failed this year because i got ill once i arrived to the beach and spent most of my time in bed with high fever). Other times, have gone to the middle of the forest.
However, this time was new, we spent the whole time on our own at home. Did hell of a lot of walking to and back from town. Ignored the shopping frenzy by simply not getting inside of the shops, just fooling around in cafes and pubs. Then back home, watching films and recorded series, playing board games, listening to music, talking to the family, reading a little bit, and once, we went to the beach.
The only heavy activity was cooking (taking place only three times). Once for Xmas, another time for the 'anniversary', and another time for new year's. The cooking implied spending most of a whole day in the kitchen, but hey, food was lovely. There is one last celebration tomorrow, and that will signalled, as usual, the end of the holiday season.
Have these days been of any use to me? Absolutely, and that is for one crucial reason: I had time for me only. I needed so much to get away from studies, work and anything related to that. Needed to see how I am doing in relation to everything that goes on in my everyday life. Learnt, for instance, that so many activities that I cherished in the past (prior to having a job), have become part of my routine. Therefore, while in the past I went to cinema as a much more enjoyable activity, during these days, I didn't have the need to do so because i knew that I would start going as soon as the holidays would end. That was a new discovery for me. For example, now that I've got a job, I don't have time to watch films at home as i did before. Especially, with studying and working at the same time, it makes free time rather scarce. I mean, nowadays, I only have time to watch a film here and there at home, but not like i did in the past. Thus cinema has become an everyday escape from home, a reason to stop studying...
Still, the two things that I verified are: how much I miss my family and having our conversations and ways of killing time together. I also verified that I terribly miss having a friend over here. It has been the most taxing event since i moved towns.
I enjoyed having time just to be and to think about some bits from the past, lots about the present, and most importantly, on the future. There will be much going on, as usual with me.
Holidays are such a rare thing nowadays, the promise to the worker that once in a while s/he will receive some spare time to be away from the madness of the working life. I say rare thing because i sometimes people only take days off here and there (which I have done some times). However, to take days off to completely disconnect from anything related to the world out there is almost impossible or we simply do not want to do that. Very few occasions I've done something that have involved only chilling by the beach (which failed this year because i got ill once i arrived to the beach and spent most of my time in bed with high fever). Other times, have gone to the middle of the forest.
However, this time was new, we spent the whole time on our own at home. Did hell of a lot of walking to and back from town. Ignored the shopping frenzy by simply not getting inside of the shops, just fooling around in cafes and pubs. Then back home, watching films and recorded series, playing board games, listening to music, talking to the family, reading a little bit, and once, we went to the beach.
The only heavy activity was cooking (taking place only three times). Once for Xmas, another time for the 'anniversary', and another time for new year's. The cooking implied spending most of a whole day in the kitchen, but hey, food was lovely. There is one last celebration tomorrow, and that will signalled, as usual, the end of the holiday season.
Have these days been of any use to me? Absolutely, and that is for one crucial reason: I had time for me only. I needed so much to get away from studies, work and anything related to that. Needed to see how I am doing in relation to everything that goes on in my everyday life. Learnt, for instance, that so many activities that I cherished in the past (prior to having a job), have become part of my routine. Therefore, while in the past I went to cinema as a much more enjoyable activity, during these days, I didn't have the need to do so because i knew that I would start going as soon as the holidays would end. That was a new discovery for me. For example, now that I've got a job, I don't have time to watch films at home as i did before. Especially, with studying and working at the same time, it makes free time rather scarce. I mean, nowadays, I only have time to watch a film here and there at home, but not like i did in the past. Thus cinema has become an everyday escape from home, a reason to stop studying...
Still, the two things that I verified are: how much I miss my family and having our conversations and ways of killing time together. I also verified that I terribly miss having a friend over here. It has been the most taxing event since i moved towns.
I enjoyed having time just to be and to think about some bits from the past, lots about the present, and most importantly, on the future. There will be much going on, as usual with me.
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