Heart's Filthy Lesson: "I Abuse you, Tongue in Cheek"

Before I begin my narrative, I want to apologise to my beloved David, because I'm taking his music (song) to illustrate the bitterness of my story. But, as I much admire him, I feel is the thing that fits too well with what i would like to tell.

Once upon a time, I met someone, like we all do. This someone seemed at first like me. I was happy, like i would have normally been, for having the chance to meet a person with whom i would identify with, i could talk about as many possible things, agree and disagree comfortably, and still be myself. This romanticism lasted only for a little while. Not long enough. That remains the most scary bit, because i still wonder if that person was me, or if it was someone else outside from me? This, i know, is another topic.

Anyway, I befriended this someone, whom I thought was the most improbable person in the world to be like me. Back then, I was right, and I should have paid attention to meself. I thought, as I think sometimes, that it was faith. Perhaps, it is still faith. However, after a while, i perceived that the person was not what i first thought the person was. This particular creature, has a signature expression, which got me fed up after hearing it every single day. After, whichever thing s/he would say, would come up the uncompromising phrase: 'by the way, i mean this completely with my tongue in my cheek.'

It took me a while to realise, as it takes me generally, that this person has used this phrase to get around in life. Also, most likely, never been challenged by abusing the phrase. I do not appreciate people who do not compromise. I know, I am a lazy bastard, but like it or not, I have compromised with my statements and standing point in life. I would not be here writing this down otherwise.

On this person's defense, I guess we all abuse some catch-phrases, things we say become part of our-front-stage-selves. Yet, this person, did really have a reason to abuse this phrase, and, as I found out the hard way, it was because s/he was an abusive person, altogether. A misogynist pig, as the philosophical Argenteneans would say.

So, I met this misogynist pig, who disguises under a catch-phrase, and under the self-patronising idea that s/he grew up in a time and place when and where that was the only way to grew up. Sadly, this person is not someone that has never read a book. This is a person who has read several books, spent time teaching, and supposedly works in an academic environment... Well, I don't blame the supposedly academic environment, I only want to raise a case against this person.

There has not been responsibility laid on her/his shoulders for her/his actions against the rest of us: simple losers that socially lure around the world trying to find meanings. I am sad and disappointed, once again, at my own expectations, and my foolishness. I have been a momentary victim of this person, who thought that by standing up and literally looking down at my while speaking loudly, would silent my soul and mind. Indeed, s/he silenced my mouth, but nothing else. Yet, I've got to admit, that it was only until the latest events that I've made my mind. I always give people many chances...didn't I already say that I am a fool?

On that occasion, I dare to say something, for the first time, that would be challenging to this person. Her/his reaction was to stand up, coming nearer to me (I was sitting down), and defended her/himself, in a loud and firm voice towards me, literally looking down at me. I, for that instant, felt shocked-frightened, and told the person that if that was what s/he would think, it was her/his business. It took me a couple of days to come into terms with this situation. Considering that I see this person on a daily basis does not help.

A last thing this person did, was to refer to me, by the way tongue in cheek, as 'a woman therefore you don't have certain abilities'. Well, in my full acknowledgement of demise towards this semi-friendship, i turned around and kept on minding my business. The person realised that s/he said something that made me feel uneasy, and said: 'well, you know, that is what psychologists claim to'.

Well, I am sorry. I am sorry, for not realising early enough that you are another abusive person, by the way, i would not tell you this 'tongue in cheek'.